Discipline in Daycare: Finding a Nurturing and Effective Approach

As a parent, you've probably experienced your child throwing a tantrum in public. You may have even resorted to the traditional “stick and carrot” approach which involves encouraging positive behaviour and discouraging negative behaviour through appropriate rewards and consequences. However, it's important to consider that this method can sometimes cause anxiety and fear in children and may not be the most effective approach to discipline them. 

On the other hand, some parents have taken a different approach, often showering their children with constant praise. Unfortunately, this approach can lead to children who struggle with independence and may develop a sense of entitlement. 

So, where is the middle ground? How can we raise responsible, respectful, and confident children without giving them a false sense of entitlement? 

The Montessori Method

First and foremost, it is important to understand that tantrums and misbehaviours are a natural part of child development and they happen for a variety of reasons. Children are still learning how to regulate their emotions, and sometimes their feelings can become overwhelming. Overstimulation, tiredness, and hunger are often considered to be primary triggers. Tantrums can also occur when children are frustrated, want something they can't have, or are trying to communicate something but don't have the words to express themselves. As a parent, it's important to be patient and understanding and help them learn how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.

Empowering Children to Make Decisions

The first solution is implemented in the Montessori method. This approach is based on respect, positive reinforcement, and guidance. It focuses on helping children develop self-control, self-awareness, and self-esteem. Giving children choices is a key component of this approach. It helps them develop decision-making skills and a sense of autonomy. However, it's important to give choices in a proper way. Limit the options, be clear about the options, let your child make the choice, respect their choice, and offer guidance when necessary.

Redirection and Involvement

If your child is asking for a toy or candy and you typically say no until they start crying and screaming, it's important to talk to them about their behaviour and come up with a plan together. Rather than giving in and buying the toy or candy, try to have a conversation with your child about why they want it, what they would do with it, and if it's something they really need or want. By talking it out and coming up with a plan together, you're empowering your child to make decisions and be a responsible member of the family.

We can also take preventative measures when it comes to tantrums. We can proactively redirect a child’s attention before a situation escalates. For example, if you know your child is going to want candy or a toy when you go to the store, try to distract them with something else, like a game or activity. You can also involve them in the shopping process by asking them to help you find items on your list.

Staying Calm and Supporting Your Child

In the event that a tantrum takes place, keeping your composure is crucial. Allow yourself to take a break and leave the room for a few minutes if you feel you are getting frustrated or overwhelmed. Reacting with anger or yelling can escalate the situation and make it harder for your child to calm down. Instead, try to approach the situation with understanding. Talk to your child in a calm and reassuring voice, and offer comfort if needed. Remember that your child looks to you for guidance and reassurance, and staying calm can help them feel safe and supported.

Positive Language

It is important to note that using positive language is key. Positive language is focused on what children can do instead of what they can't do. For example, instead of saying "Don't run," you could say "Walk please." This type of language helps children feel empowered and encourages them to make good choices. Positive language also helps build a positive relationship between the parent and child, as it shows that the parent is on their side and wants to help them succeed. When using positive language, it's important to be specific and clear about what behaviour you want to see, and to praise and reinforce positive behaviour when you see it. 

Grounding your child is another common punishment for bad behaviour. However, children may not fully understand the connection between their actions and being grounded. This can create a barrier between children and their parents. Instead of grounding, try to find a natural consequence for their actions. For example, if your child breaks a rule about screen time, they then forfeit their remaining screen time for the day. By having a natural consequence, you're helping your child understand the cause and effect of their actions. 

Positive Reinforcement

At our daycare, we believe in positive reinforcement and guidance to help children develop self-control, self-awareness, and self-esteem. We have in-house rules that focus on respecting each other's space and belongings, using kind words and actions, and using "good hands" and "good legs" to keep our friends safe. If a child breaks one of these rules, we take the time to talk to them about what happened, how it made others feel, and what the results of their actions will be. This helps the child understand the cause and effect of their behaviour and learn how to make better choices in the future. At our daycare we also make sure to acknowledge and commend good behaviour, as this reinforces positive habits and attitudes. By using this approach, we create a safe, nurturing, and respectful environment where children can thrive and reach their full potential.

Importance of Discipline and Child Development

When searching for a daycare for your little one, it's important to consider how they describe and discipline the children. Discipline is a key factor in ensuring a safe and nurturing environment for children to grow and learn. It's important to ask the daycare about their approach to discipline and how they handle behavioural issues. Some daycares use positive reinforcement, while others may use time-outs or other disciplinary methods. It's also important to consider how they describe the children in their care, as this can give insight into their overall approach to child development. Are they focused on academic achievement, emotional development, or a combination of both? Asking these questions can help parents make an informed decision about the best daycare for their child. 

Parenting has evolved over the years, and the Montessori way of discipline offers a modern approach to raising responsible, respectful, and confident children. Giving choices in a deliberate way, approaching tantrums with patience and redirection, and finding natural consequences for bad behaviour can all help your child develop self-control, self-awareness, and self-esteem. Remember, parenting is a journey, and every child is unique. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt, you can help your child reach their full potential.